The Internal Universe of Graceina Samosir
Samosir, Graceina. Self-Portrait. 2019. Colored Pencil on Paper, Digital Collage, Mixed Media.
Speaking with Graceina Samosir is like a guided meditation. I’ve arrived here at the coworking space that she explains she uses only for the ‘work’ parts of her practice - sending emails, editing content, confirming pieces to be shipped, and so on. The actual magic happens in a small studio, which I can just picture filled to the brim with the deeply detailed and heart-wrenchingly beautiful illustrations and paintings that have garnered her such a significant following.
But even in a more office-type environment, what follows is a fascinating and moving conversation on the nature of art, life, and more. We touch on grand concepts - wholeness, self-growth, identity - and as Graceina would put it, hold them hand in hand, allowing and exploring the tension. Hearing her thoughts gave an incredible, philosophical dimension to the worlds that she breathes into life in her work. Read on for our Q&A, to get a glimpse into the internal universe behind Graceina’s illustrations.
AK: Let’s start at the beginning. How did you start making art?
GS: I’ve been interested in art since I was a kid. One of my earliest memories is me just scribbling, doodling, making marks on walls. And getting reprimanded for it! But eventually, my parents were like, “yeah, whatever, we'll let her do it.”
I decided to pursue art more seriously when I was in eleventh or twelfth grade. Thankfully I had mentors, teachers who were supportive. And parents who were not against it. They just said, “are you sure you want to do it? Okay, it's your life. If you do it, you have to work twice as hard and be able to prove that you can stand on your own . You will face many challenges. But remember that in everything you do, do it wholeheartedly and to the best of your ability.” So I just went and dove in. I couldn't see myself doing anything else. I wasn't necessarily bad at other subjects or anything - it was just that I felt more fulfilled, more myself, making things.
AK: It’s interesting that you mention doodling and scribbling, because I feel your illustration still has some of those elements in it, right?
GS: Yeah, definitely. Also, when I was young, I played around with self portraits. To this day, I do a lot of self-portraits and autobiographical work - work that pertains to me, my experiences, my internal universe, my musings…and I can trace that back to when I was younger. I used to draw various versions of myself - like, as a detective, an astronaut, a superhero, a supervillain, a dancer, or with families and kids. And I can see that repeated now. I imagine alternate versions of myself.
AK: Yeah, I’ve noticed a lot of your work is representations of yourself, or generally of people. What draws you to representing human beings?
GS: I think we're very relatable. I don't think we exist and live in a vacuum; everything affects the other. I feel like one of the major fulfillments in life - and this is the worldview that fuels why I draw - is having rich relationships. I think that is crucial for a fulfilled life and a satisfied life. I think relating to another person is one of the main purposes of life.
AK: I think that’s reflected in the way elements of your work blend into each other.
GS: Yeah, they're tied into each other. I've also been thinking about why I like to connect and overlap and repeat certain pictorial elements. I can attribute that to my fear of missing out, of missing crucial moments. I guess it reflects my innate insecurity or fear - I don't want to miss anything so I will capture everything, and just put everything in relation to another.
AK: Do you think that fear of missing out causes you to try and produce more and more and more?
Samosir, Graceina. Synonyms for Sadness #n. 2019. Colored Pencil on Paper.
GS: Definitely. Fear is a driving force. There's so much I want to share with people, so many things going on…I definitely have a tendency to clutter my work. Especially with graphite and paint. But I recently started using brushpen and that tool allows me to synthesize information. So I can just use fewer lines in an effective manner instead of putting in all the lines, all the possibilities.
AK: Like there’s an implication in what isn’t there.
GS: Yeah.
AK: In the bio on your site, you identify yourself as a third-culture kid and aspiring global citizen. Can you tell me more about that and how it helps shape your work?
GS: Well, I moved around a lot when I was younger, so I didn't really have, like, a home home. I’m Indonesian by nationality However, my family and I had the privilege of moving around, living in different countries and experiencing different cultures. And there’s pros to that; you get culturally immersed, you become more aware of the different value systems of different places. But then there's the cons too. I don't really have any childhood friends, I don't really have one place I can call home or that I want to go back to. My parents are still in Indonesia, but I don’t feel a longing for there, I don't feel attached to it. My attachment has fragmented - I feel like I'm from everywhere and nowhere at once.
So I guess being a third-culture kid is basically being a person who, when young, moved around a lot. And they don't really have one geographic home. So what I want to do with my art is to grow it here in Canada while establishing a home for myself. And I hope to stay here for a long time. I got my permanent residency last year, and I feel like that will give me more freedom to cultivate and steward over my art practice while pursuing a citizenship.
AK: Congratulations!
GS: Thank you so much. And referring back to the global citizen piece, I guess it’s this tension for me. I get attached easily to a place, but at the same time, I’ve learned to detach. Because I’ve had to do that growing up, I had to uproot myself periodically over the years. I want to know a lot of people and have networks of people that I know around the world, but at the same time, I don’t want to be too attached to and rely on one place. I just don’t want to feel cornered - to rely on one single country or government.
AK: That makes sense - I think there’s a lot to be said for not relying on the government! And I think your work speaks to this attachment & detachment too - contradiction is a big theme, right?
GS: Definitely. Even in my life I see patterns of dichotomy. I think to make great art, or compelling art, you have to work on yourself and your life. Art flows from your life. And so I think it’s important to invest in being a more relationally competent person, and more aware of your surroundings and your internal universe. That includes your attachment injuries, your traumas, relational wounds…so what I’m trying to do right now is allowing for all that chaos to exist in balance and proportion. We all go through so many different things, our plates are so full. And what I’m trying to do is just hold the tension in the palm of my hand and be okay. I’ll have an issue in the moment but then try to step out of that zone and step into my locus of control and notice one thing that I’m grateful for.
AK: I feel like that’s a helpful reminder for all of us to hear. I want to talk a bit more about that actually, because from how you talk about yourself and your work, I get the sense that art is actually just one piece of a larger journey of yours. Towards exploration and self-discovery. Is that right? If so, what role does your art play in that journey?
Samosir, Graceina. Self-Portrait with Help from Students. 2020. Colored Pencil and Graphite on Paper, Digital Collage, Mixed Media.
GS: Right, so, I went to art school. And I was surrounded by young artists that were super zealous, passionate, and die hard. Some of us were pretentious too. This hyper artsy culture influenced me, and I became a very gung ho artist - art is life or death, that kind of thing. Then I saw many former students who acted that way only to not pursue arts after school. So it was all very intense, but didn’t seem very genuine or authentic at the end.
I had to change, though, because I was just going through so much. I moved here by myself, I was kinda in the process of reparenting myself, going through immigration challenges, school challenges, relationship challenges, navigating friendships…a lot of trials. And this accumulation of experiences made me realize there’s so much more growing I had and still have to do. There’s so much more to life. I knew so little then, I was so closed off when I was just in the arts space - all I did was just school. There's so much more that’s involved for self growth and sustenance in order to become a more well rounded person who gives value to society.
So now, I feel things go a lot more hand in hand. Art reflects where I am at the moment. It is a tool for self-expression and catharsis. And it’s become a habit, a big part of my life. But it’s not my entire identity. Just one complementary component.
AK: I like that - I think you don’t hear enough artists talking about the fact that art shouldn’t be your entire identity. This idea of art just being one facet of yourself connects to another piece from your bio, where you mentioned that your goal is striving towards wholeness. What does wholeness feel like to you?
GS: I practice a faith. It helps me want to continue living well, being of use, and to strive forward. So to me, the idea of wholeness - at least right now - is being at peace despite the circumstances. Being content and grateful. Seeing the good that can come out of bad situations. It’s not happiness I’m aiming for - happiness is fleeting. It’s more like knowing that everything is temporary, that the good and the bad are both temporary.
In art school, and right after, I went through major bouts of depression due to a wave of unfortunate circumstances. It was like I couldn’t see tomorrow, it felt so permanent. But now, I actually try to visualize myself! I can see myself tomorrow, and I will be fine. Days, weeks, months later, this will be fine. So I guess wholeness is that - experiencing and practicing peace beyond understanding.
AK: I really appreciate that answer too! As someone who deals a lot with anxiety, I think that approach to presence and gratitude is really important.
Samosir, Graceina. Birthday Cake. 2020. Charcoal, Colored Pencil, Graphite, Wax Pencil, Oil Pastel on Mylar and Diagram Sheet.
GS: Right now, at this stage of my life, I’m doing a lot of drawings because that’s what’s available to me, and that’s what I can do in my studio space. But I’d like to think that I have a painterly approach to drawing. I like to incorporate painting techniques in drawing. I think they go hand in hand - you need drawing for painting, and painterly qualities in drawing are really moving.
I have a lot of different influences. I don’t think I’m original, I think I’m an amalgamation of a lot of different things. There is nothing new under the sun. My advice to anyone starting out is to copy everyone that you like. You’ll find a good mixture of styles and approaches that will resonate with you and you will gradually form your own voice.
What influences me in terms of what I create? Loved ones. People in my life. People who have impacted me in one way or another. How they made me feel. Painful and ecstatic experiences, different possibilities…imagination.
AK: I think that’s a pretty good place to close things off. What’s next, how can people keep up with you?
GS: I’m always creating, so to see my work it’s mostly on instagram. There are some projects brewing…so my social media presence is the best place to stay updated.
AK: That’s great. Thanks so much, Graceina.
GS: Thank you, Andrew.
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Like I said, practically a guided meditation! Or perhaps a therapy session? Maybe just a lot of things I really needed to hear all at once.
I think as people in the arts, we can get so easily absorbed in what we’re doing. So often it feels that as an artist, you have to be constantly working, constantly creating, if you want to get anywhere. Couple that with the confines of capitalism and the attention span of the social media era, and any kind of chance for real presence goes right out the window.
Hearing Graceina speak with such a calmness about taking a step back and prioritizing self-betterment above art? That really resonated with me. It’s something I know that I need to do, and I think it’s something everyone could stand to think about. Our conversation offered me such a good moment to take pause and do exactly that - reevaluate.
I recommend you explore all the works on Graceina’s website here, and make sure to follow her on instagram @graceinasamosir to keep up with her work. Each new piece she puts out is a new possibility, a new world to glimpse into, and perhaps after reading this, it will be a reminder for you to take a moment of gratitude - for the existence of this beautiful work, and for simply being here.